Sometimes we react quickly during stressful times, especially during the holiday season.
There are a lot of expectations during the holiday season surrounding gifts, money, social gatherings, etc. There might even be the occasional feeling of loss, regret, or sadness due to past life experiences. These internal anxieties and stressors may come out in overreactions to or with our loved ones.
Often I think people react as opposed to taking a moment to think about the other perspectives or why we’re reacting the way we are. It can feel very heavy to imagine it in this way, but if you think about it in terms of curiosity—Why am I feeling like this?, Why might they be doing this?, Why am I reacting like this?—this can be healthier and lead to long-term understanding and self-awareness.
Here are some holiday themed examples that might throw us off:
The loss of a loved one you won’t be celebrating with this year
Financial struggles
Fear of setting needed boundaries with your loved ones
Expectations of how the holidays should be spent
These are just a few examples and can affect you and your loved ones. If you aren’t the one overreacting, it might be helpful to understand why someone you love and care about might be overreacting around this time.
If someone comes at you frustrated or irritated, there is still an opportunity to get curious. Think about what may be going on or what they are not telling you—Am I overreacting to their reaction?
Give people grace. But, also remember to give yourself some grace as well. It happens all too often that we live our day-to-day life and don’t take time to recognize when we ourselves need permission to forgive ourselves of our own mistakes.
Picture this: You’re going about your day and you read or see something that really upsets you. Do you wait until the feeling of distress subsides or do you wonder: Why did I get ticked off? What triggered me at that moment? Am I overreacting? Or is what’s happening hitting on my core values? If it is, that is okay. Recognition is the first step before getting curious.
How do you get curious instead of overreacting?
The first step is to identify your triggers. As soon as you can understand what is poking at your core values, you are on the right track. Understanding yourself and your triggers will help you to be best prepared. Preparation is the best way to prevent overreaction. The better you know yourself, the easier it will be for you to pause and get curious.
Pause, wonder and react. Now that you understand your triggers, it will be easier for you to pause before overreacting. Pausing is the hardest part, but once you are able to do it, you will feel so much better.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself in order to wonder or get curious:
Why does this upset me?
Will my reaction change anything?
Is it possible to be compassionate in this situation?
Should I be taking this personally?
These are just a few, but once you understand what your triggers are, it will be easier to form your own set of questions to ask yourself to get curious in your own situations.
So, are the holidays stressors for you? What questions arose as you read this blog post? Wouldn’t you rather the holidays be a more relaxing and enjoyable time for yourself and others?
Remember to give yourself and others grace this holiday season. Pause, take a deep breath and get curious.
