We've all been there before. We assume something about someone or something and it turns out to be totally wrong. We think someone totally ditched us, and then find out they were in a car accident or their child got sick. Instead of proceeding with caution and empathy, we rushed to judgment and created a lot of unnecessary conflict and tension.
One of the things that can lead to quick judgment and assumptions is a lack of empathy and curiosity because when we don't take the time to understand someone else's perspective, or to explore what might be motivating their actions, we more easily jump to conclusions. Right? We’re often critical of others because we don’t understand them. But we also tend to be more critical when we are:
Feeling insecure or threatened.
Covering up our own mistakes or shortcomings.
Bonding and trying to fit in with others by gossiping.
Struggling with low self-esteem and self-worth.
Dealing with stress or anger.
Unhappy with our own life and feeling stuck.
Think about how powerful asking one more question in a conversation can be to deepen the connection you have with the other person. In addition to showing that you care and getting to know someone better, you are building trust and rapport. Think about all the things we could learn…if we pushed ourselves to get curious.
So, what if we took a different approach? What if we got more curious? What if we asked questions instead? What if we learned more about why people do the things they do? What if we broke down these invisible barriers?
Personally, I think this would make for a much more pleasant and productive home and work life. Getting curious and having more empathy is an inside job. Give yourself a chance to give others the benefit of the doubt by:
Paying attention to your own thoughts and feelings, and how they might be impacting your interactions with others.
Trying to understand the other person’s perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.
Responding with kindness, even if you don’t feel like it.
Acknowledging the other person’s feelings, even if you can’t agree with them.
Being patient and giving the other person time to open up.
It is only through interactions with others that we learn and grow.
When we're open-minded and interested in others, it's easier to find common ground and build relationships. When we see things from another person’s perspective…we are less likely to judge and more likely to connect. When we are curious about someone and want to learn more about them…we are less critical and more supportive.
Being curious and kind allows us to explore new things, and it helps us to build relationships with others. You get to see a little bit of the world every time you let go of some of your criticalness, and in turn, the world gets to see a little bit of you, too.
So next time you're tempted to judge…try being curious instead. You might be surprised at the result.
